The Best Advise You Will Never Put to Use: Relationships

The nature of old men and women is to reflect on their lives. This reflection generally results in giving young people advice how to live their lives. Mind you, this wise and sage advice is generally disregarded: "I want to make my own mistakes." So I suspect you will not follow the advice I am about to give, no matter how good I think it is!
Why is it that good advice is generally recognized only in retrospect? Benjamin Franklin is reputed to have said, "A penny saved is a penny earned". Darn good advice! But reflection on my life and spending habits indicates I would be a wealthy man if only I had taken that advice to heart! Like you, I did not listen to that old, after all he lived 200 years before I was even born, what could he know about "modern" life. Besides I am different and the times are different and the circumstances are different and I know what is best for me! Right?
It is a truism of life that we can not see the future! And, for the most part, we can not envision what the future will hold. Frankly, we don't care! Young folks seem to have this innate attitude of self reliance; "I can take care of myself, I don't need your help, I will make my own decisions". We tend to listen politely to the advice of old folks and smile on the outside while laughing on the inside. We laugh because "old folks" have some unrealistic notions about life.
Knowing all this, I persist in writing these tidbits of advice. Why? Well, I love you. Plus, I am an old man and this is what makes me happy; telling young people how to live their lives. Indulge me!
Okay these are some of the pearls of wisdom I pass to you. You better listen!

Thoughts from the Winter of Life

The Cycles of Life

Spring’s bright glow of expectancy,

Summer’s wonder of growth,

Fall’s joy of the harvest,

Winter’s requirement of rest,

So goes the cycle of land,

One season gives way to the next.

The seasons of our life

shadows the same inescapable design,

The completion of one season’s task 

Is necessary for the next,

Until that season arrives when a man,

Like the land,

Must unavoidably rest.

Going Home

Sadness fills my heart.

As I anticipate death,

There are things left not done

Dreams not realized,

Fences not mended

Forgiveness’s not pursued

Feelings not expressed. 

Leaving this life of regrets

Never to be fulfilled,

I enter familiar land,

And feel the sense of completeness

For which I have longed.

My heart is overjoyed 

contemplating the ancient promise

 Of seeing My Father

And hearing His words,

Welcome Home, My Child,

Welcome Home.

Steve Jackson 

January, 2015

The Best Apples ....

Everyone can tell I love to eat. I really, really like ice cream, fried chicken, greens peas and mashed potatoes and banana pudding and steamed broccoli. Of all the foods, I like a good red juicy apple the best. You know the kind. You bite into it and it crunches between your teeth and then those cold juices hit your taste buds and sent a cool sweet taste through your mouth. Like I said, I love a good apple.

When I was nine years old, my family and I visited my grandparents in Arkansas. They lived on a farm in rural eastern Arkansas. Dad liked to go out on the farm with my granddad not so much for the work but because he and granddad had an understanding; if dad didn’t tell mom about granddad dipping snuff, dad could ride the horses. For a city boy that was pretty heady stuff. Mom and grandma worked in the kitchen making the best food in the world while drinking sweet tea and gossiping about all the relatives.

In Praise of Dreamers

I was at my cash register yesterday, when a young pretty lady (understand, at my age all females are young and pretty ladies) brought over one of the clearance ties to check out.  She asked if we had any white button down shirts that would fit her.  She also wanted a narrow, skinny, tie. Now understand, this combination of questions is not the ones I normally get from my usual customers.  My curiosity aroused, I asked her why she needed the shirt and ties. She volunteered she had just gotten a job as a server at one of our local restaurants and the dress code called for a buttoned down white shirt and a tie.

Taking a second look at the young lady and I could not help but ask, “Are you a singer or songwriter or both?”  She told me her story.  After a few dead-end jobs in her hometown of Orlando, she finally decided to pursue her dream of a career in the music business.  So she packed her bags, told her mama what she was going to do and left sunny Florida to come to Nashville. She was, indeed, a songwriter and had done some back up singing. She needed a job that gave her enough time write and meet people in the business.

What's in a Name?

Do you remember when your mom told that old saying, "Sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you."? I was a short, chubby kid who had numerous occassions to repeat that jingle. This lasted until I got on the football field and was able to "legally" get some revenge. I broke some bones, but the names have continued to stick with me.

Others have had a physical or mental condition that the "normal" kids thought was so funny they just had to be creative and give out funny names. Remember "four eyes", "fatty, fatty, two by four", "dumbo", "dum-dum", and so on? Do you also remember, when it became obvious the names were too harsh, they would say, "I'm sorry." Right!

After each insult, Mom's jingle would come to mind. Unfortunately, it didn't work as well as Mom intended. Broken bones heal, but names stuck around. I remember breaking my arm as a kid. After the initial pain and fear subsided, it was kind of cool to show off the cast and have everyone sign it. I got over the broken bones quickly. But the names, well ... let's just say it took a little more time to get over them.

As I look at life from the vantage point of the Fall. it is clear to see I have been guilty of labeling individuals. In

The Clock is Clicking

I went to bed last night and woke up 38 years later. No, this is not the plot for a science fiction movie. But, dang, it feels like it is. Time passes so fast. Before you know it, you no longer have all the time in the world to do what you want.

Unfortunately, when this realization becomes crystal clear, it is impossible to go back and take the time to do those things that have become so important now but were of little significance then. “If only” becomes one of the major laments of those who begin to understand that an opportunity once lost can not be recovered. Friendships lost through neglect are difficult to repair and polish to their once brilliance. Financial plans developed and conceived when the “time was right” can not be completed now because the time has run out. Career goals, travel adventures, sights and people to see all become part of the “if only” lists of lost opportunities.

To be fair, one must admit some plans were stalled by the unforeseen or underestimated; such as family expenses, illness, school expense, work load, and so on. Certainly one has to prioritize dreams and goals. But that’s not really what I am talking about. Perhaps a few examples will suffice.

My mother lived 20 minutes from me and I didn’t see her or call her, often for a week at a time. My grandfather died and I couldn’t be bothered to come home from college for his funeral. I knew the importance of funding an IRA but couldn’t find $10 a month to put into one. I wanted to earn my PhD in Political Science and teach on the college level but wanted a new car and a job more. My dad was in the VA hospital in my college town and I visited him once in two months. I lived less than two hours from my mother and father and didn’t see them for two years until my dad died.

The Pledge of Allegiance

Many of my younger readers may not know Red Skelton.  He was a comic from the vaudeville days before television who, in his later years became a staple on Saturday night TV. In 1969, he preformed the Pledge of Allegiance on his show.  I want you to see a clip of that performance. Follow this link

To all the kids who survived the1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints. Our dads swung us around holding onto our hands. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, Locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads. 

As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat. 

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY? 

Because we were Always outside playing...that's why! We would leave home in the morning and

"Give me that old time religion"

Please permit me a blog post of a personal nature without the need to provide advice about something or to expound on a religious topic. 

During a discussion with one of my customers and his wife, I mentioned my Blog “I Believe”.  Thinking he might stump me, he asked me to briefly state my beliefs.  I responded with the Apostles Creed which begins, “I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth and in Jesus Christ, His only Son our Lord....”. As I got into the Creed, he and his wife both joined me as we ended the Creed with, “... the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sin, the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting”.  The three of us laughed and parted as brothers and sisters in Christ. As they walked away, I thought, “Why had that Creed popped into my head so quickly?” As I pondered this, I began to understand the legacy of my many years in the Methodist Church (now the United Methodist). The constant and often boring repetition of certain portions of the service were silently criticized by us young folks. “I get nothing out of saying those things. I know them by heart and could say them in my sleep.”  What seemed terribly old fashioned then served the real purpose of cementing them and their message in my mind and heart.

I attend a local Baptist Church and always leave the service with a sincere feeling of having worshiped God and having been filled with the Holy Spirit through the music and the inspired message of our pastor. 

Who is that Super Woman?

I went grocery shopping the other day.  “Honey", she said sweetly, "we need to do more things together.” “Okay, I’ll go shopping with you.”  If I had it to do all over again, knowing what I know now, I would find some other way to spend more time with my beloved, like skydiving or auto racing at 200 miles an hour.

Let me go on record: my wife is a good cook. She works and we eat out a fair amount of time, but when she is cooking, my mouth waters in anticipation.  What she puts into the food or whether it is “good” for me or what it costs are not important.  Do I have enough time to savor this meal is all I feel compelled to ask.

Back to the grocery store.  Since I eat cereal for breakfast with some banana slices on top,  I picked out a couple of boxes of cereal and carried them to the cart.  Nothing in life prepared me for her questions.  “What’s the price? Did you check to see if they were 2 for the price of 1? How much fat is in them? What is the sodium content? How many grams of carbohydrates are in each serving?  How big is a serving? Can you eat just one serving amount?” and the topper, “Let me see if I have a coupon for that specific cereal.”  Then she informed me, with a self confident grin, “I have a coupon and they are cheaper at Kroger so I will pick them up on Tuesday which is Senior Day.”   All I wanted was a box of cereal!

As so the time we spend together at the grocery store went like that through the canned goods, the lunch meats, and the produce, “I’ve seen bananas for 39¢ a pound at Harris Teeter.” I searched through hundreds of coupons to find one worth 25¢ for a tube of toothpaste. Not only must you find the right coupon but it must not have expired yet. Huh! I learned you don’t squeeze peaches you smell them to see if they have a peachy smell. You thump watermelon and gently squeeze oranges and search for a hard head of lettuce.

If I had a Million dollars

With the Tennessee lottery, it is common for folks to dream about winning an enormous sum of money. Would you take the lump sum, or would you opt for the security of a guaranteed payout of the full amount for 20 years? How much would taxes cut into the amount? More importantly, what would you do with the money after all taxes are paid? Everyone, even the good Southern Baptist among us, have pondered these questions.

When my kids were young, we would play a game with them. “What would you do with a million dollars?” Their young eyes would light up at the prospect of, what seemed like, an unlimited amount of money. As they named the items they mentioned, we would put a value on it and subtract it from the total. First a new house for Mom and Dad, value $65,000 (remember this was back when $1 million was worth $1 million), a new TV, at least a 21”, and new bikes, and a new car, one of those new Vans. And so on the game went until they ran out of things to buy. We always gently reminded them to remember to give to the church and give to a charity. They gleefully agreed but only after they had “bought” all the other stuff as well.

We laughed about our “purchases” and moved on to the next task like real shopping, my personal favorite, ugh. Over the years, the items changed as did their understanding of the value of things. Things like prom dresses, a fantastic vacation, a computer, and so on replaced their earlier choices. I like to imagine what their “purchases” would be today with, say, $10 million. I suspect church and college funding for their children would be higher on the list than a new home for Mom and Dad, as they should be. It would be interesting to see how their values changed as their years and maturity levels increased.

“A” – Angie Dickinson, “B” - .....

This past week the hot weather at home drove my wife and I into the welcoming arms of Sunny South Florida. Well that and the offer of a free week at a friend’s condo in Naples. If you think Tennessee is hot, go to South Florida. I was never so thankful for air conditioning. But I digress.

Hoping to save some money since we had the free lodging, we decided to drive to Naples. After all it’s all Interstate 75 from Chattanooga and Chattanooga is only two hours from the house. How hard could that be? Well, I will tell you it is not hard driving, just set the cruise control on 75 and set back and guide the car. But it is boring as all get out! My wife finished the newspaper by the time we climbed Monteagle Mountain. We had breakfast in Chattanooga. The book on tape lasted to Macon and we still had not gotten out of Georgia nor were we half way there.

Over the years, we have developed a fairly simple game to pass the time. There aren’t a lot of rules, in fact the rules are broken regularly, nor is it hard. The game does require a two unique characteristics. You have to have watched a lot of movies and TV shows and have a good memory.

Starting with A and continuing through the alphabet, name a movie star or TV star whose first or last name begins with your letter. “A” - Audie Murphy, “B” - Bette Davis, “C” – Catherine Zeta Jones and so on. The first round is fairly easy and the second isn’t bad. And some letters aren’t bad. But can you name three movie stars with a first or last name beginning with “Q”? Anthony Quinn and Quentin (what’s his last name?) How about “Z”? or “U”. The fun part of the game is naming a movie they were in or naming their co-star or laughing over a line from the movie.

The real fun comes after you have played the game to exhaustion and moved on the something else to

Laughing at yourself is good!

These aren’t necessarily deep thoughts or pieces of sage advice; I just thought they were funny. Thanks to my good friend Bert Wakely for sending them to me. Was he trying to tell me something? I have added a few quotes as well.

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? ' 'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife....'

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

My personal favorite: A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?' 'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.

Life Ain't Fair

Almost all parents have heard their children lament, “That’s not fair” when confronted with one of the thousands of disappointments that come their way. “Why does Jane get to stay up and I have to go to bed?” Why can’t I have a new bike like Charlie?” The disappointments don’t stop as we get older, they just change. “It’s not fair that Marshall gets a car and I don’t” “It’s not fair that Mrs. Johnson gives good grades to the band kids and not the rest of us.”

Like all of us, I have had my share of “It’s not fair” moments. Most have been trivial in retrospect. I don’t think any have been life changing. Over the last two years, however, I have been experiencing an “It’s not fair” moment that has put something in prospective for me. After retirement, I began working part time at a local department store during the Christmas season. After the season, part time became full time. Starting pay was not great, $11 per hour, but the work was easy, it didn’t need to be carried home with me and it was fun talking to customers.

To maintain this pay level, you have to maintain a certain sales per hour. Being naive as to the retail business and basely an optimistic person, this requirement was no major concern. And then the recession hit and business predictably slowed dramatically. My first review resulted in a $.50 per hour reduction. The second review, after the recession deepened, resulted in a $1.50 reduction to $9.00 an hour. Since this was totally unacceptable, I requested and was allowed to go on a straight commission basis. Since then, pay per hour has been averaging $12.50 an hour.

Now this is not written to solicit your sympathy, but to give you a feel for the situation. In the same department is a gentleman, about my age, who constantly produces sales per hour sufficient to warrant $18 per hour, and he is only part time. But, and this is the basis of the article, he works part time three evenings a week from 5:00 to 9:00 and all day Saturday and Sunday. If you are familiar with retail sales, these hours are generally the times of the most traffic, larger sales and thus a higher sales per hour.

You Never Know!

High school class reunions are ____ (you fill in the blank) For me, recently I had my 50th high school class reunion and I had a blast! I was apprehensive about the reunion when I signed up to come several months ago. As the time drew closer, my apprehension grew by leaps and bounds.

I was going to meet people I had not seen in 50 years. Obviously I would not recognize them and properly would even forget their names. Talk about embarrassment! Imagine walking up to someone, looking at their name tag and then saying something stupid like, “Oh yeah, I remember you”. And that’s with the guy’s, imagine how that sounds when glancing down at a woman’s breast!

Fortunately, my apprehension was misplaced. Sure, faces and bodies change but the names came back immediately. The pleasant memories returned and the not so pleasant memories stayed in the background. We hugged and shook hands and slapped each other on the back. Conversations began with, “How are you? What are you doing now? What did you do before you retired?” We really didn’t care what the answers were, we just wanted to talk to old friends and laugh once again. I had one of the major self esteem boosts in my life. Two ladies approached me and confessed they had had a crush on me during our high school days. Talk about grinning from ear to ear!

The Nashville Flood of 2010

Check this video for some idea of the 1,000 years flood we had. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFjaQoOdJvI&sns=em

What do you really mean?

One of the many things separating humans from other species is the ability to communicate effectively with others. Originally, I imagine communication was very basic. One grunt meant, “I am hungry.” Over time it became important to convey just how hungry we actually were. Surely there was a difference between, “I am starving and on my last ounce of energy. Feed me before I collapse.”, and “ I am starting to feel hungry pains, but can go for a while longer before I will really need something to eat.”. Maybe it was the difference between one grunt and two. Today we use other descriptive words and adjectives. We might say, “I am starving.” or “I am kind of hungry.” .

Before I tell you where I am going with this, allow me another example. Take this test. A little boy has been playing outside. On a scale of 1-5 with 1 being the least, rate how dirty he actually is based on his mother’s different exclamation when he comes in the door.
“You are filthy.”
“You are a mess.”
“You need to clean up a little.”
“Come here and let me wipe your face before we sit down to eat.”
Assuming it is the same little boy, you would guess he either needs a long hot bath or a brief wipe of the dish cloth.

As we go through life, we all develop a style of talking. Some people view life in the extremes; things are huge not big, they are tiny not small, something never happens, something always happens. Seeing the same event or object, some will habitually underplay it, “The mountain wasn’t so big.” and others will overstate it, “The mountain was huge.”. “The pain in my stomach is severe versus I have a pain in my stomach.

Over time, our friends begin to understand how we express ourselves. They understand that when Tom says the fund raiser was a huge success, he means they made some money. When he says the event was an abysmal failure, he really means they lose some money. When Janice says watch your step, there are a few rocks ahead, everyone knows things are going to be perilous. It is all in the words we use.

“So,” you say, “what difference does it make? Why the big deal?

scinohP

There is a lot of talk in my neck of the woods about education. Schools are rated by how much “progress” their students have made since last year. States are ranked by their level of education. Even Countries are ranked. It’s getting so teachers are not tasked with teaching kids the basic building blocks of an education, they are teaching to take the State mandated tests. Heaven forbid, the kids actually learn anything as long as they can pass the tests and improve their school’s rank.

Boy, it felt good to get that off my chest. In this quest for a better education, we tend to lean toward the latest programs and teaching methods. There has not been a political campaign in the past 50 years, where one candidate, or both, has declared themselves to be the “education candidate”. Generally, the candidate’s promises consist of spending more money on ___, with you left to fill in the blanks. Well, in the humble opinion of this old man, more money on new programs is not necessarily the answer. Maybe we need to look back to the old days to find the methods that work best.

The old days for me mean the late 1940’s and the early 1950’s. Before the days of phonics, new math, calculators and spellcheckers, there was rote memorization. After learning to count and to add and subtract, we faced the daunting task of learning the multiplication tables. How many times did I write 2x2=4, 2x3=6, 2x4=8 and on and on? We wrote them on paper, on the blackboard and anywhere else we could find. We took the multiplication tables home and our mom or dad would sit with us and ask, “What is 2 times 2?” and we would dutifully answer ,”4”. Then go on to the next one over and over.

My dad would try to trick me by asking, while we were doing the 4’s, “What is 4 times 5”? After my answer, he would then ask, “What is 5 times 4”? It took me a while to catch what he was doing, but eventually I learned the Times Tables backward and forward. The interesting part is that I learned my multiplication tables without a calculator or without the benefits of new math that attempted to explain why 2 times 3 was equal to 6. I didn’t care why it equaled six, I just knew it did! I also knew 3 time 2 equaled six!

Spelling was another subject taught by pure mind numbing rote. We would take a list of 20 words home on

Bad Times? or Opportunity?

Times are bad now. They say unemployment is too high, corporations are reporting lower or no profits. The Federal Government is pumping billions of dollars into the economy to stimulate growth. The banks are failing, the auto industry needs an infusion of cash. Retail sales are down dramatically. Medicare and Social Security need to be fixed now. We are saddling our children with a massive debt.

Know how I am going to solve this problem? I'm going to stop reading the newspaper or watching the news on television or listening to talk radio or reading the news on the internet. That's right, I am going to stick my head in the sand!

In fact, I am going to do something really crazy, I am going to buy some common stocks! I am going to buy shares in General Motors and Ford. I am going to buy stock in Bank of America and AIG. I might even buy some shares of Exxon for good measure. To have a little fun, I think I will see if anyone will sell me some Disney stock.

There are some advantages to old age. You learn that nothing goes in a straight line forever. The stock market, the economy, businesses will not continue to drop to zero even though it seems that way sometimes. The stock market of the 1930s gave everyone a deep depression, pun intended, but it eventually gave way to a booming economy in which fortunes were made. This economy and stock market will do the same.

With old age you learn that Americans are resilient. We may be self indulgent at times, we may be wasteful at times, but when it matters, we are a strong people and we are a smart people. Advancement generally come when required by necessity. America will work it's way out of the doom and gloom of these times.

Old age gives a different prespective on numbers. Specifically I am referring to the unemploment numbers being reported. In my part of the world, unemployment is at 8.5 % and expected to level off at 10%. Now I admit for the 10% unemployed, this can be a bad thing. But two things must be remembered. One, full employment does not mean 0% unemployment. There must always be some unemployed as new workers come into the market and people shift employment. Many experts feel full employment will always have 3% to 3.5 % unemployment. At 10% unemployment, we have a true unemployment of 6.5% to 7%. Secondly, 10% unemployment means 90% employment! Nine workers out of ten workers have a job.

You see, I believe in America! In fact, I am going to put my money where my mouth is and do something crazy. I am going to buy a new 52" television and a new car (well, maybe a new used car), I am going to increase my giving to my favorite charities, I am going to go out to eat at someplace other that McDonalds and , hold on to your hats, I am going to buy some common stock!!

Thats my View From The Fall

Questions for evolution

I've been thinking about evolution. You know from my last blog, I am a bit biased toward creationism. In simpler words, I believe God created the earth not historic happenstance. So on this basis, I have some questions.

Not being a student of medicine, my knowledge of the human body and the sysytems that are involved in maintaining life are limited. But from the little I do know, the human body is a complex organism. The nerves and blood veins and bones and muscles and organs must all function within very close margins for the entire system to work.

Forgive me if I don't have this correct, but it seems the reproductive system is a good example of this. The male penis has at least two functions. First to release liquid body waste, urine, from the body and second to place the male sperm in the female womb for reproduction. For the male sperm and not the urine to be come from the penis, the tube carrying the urine is passed through the prostrate. When the sperm needs to have the right of way, the prostrate enlarges to cut off the urine. and when the sperm has gone on its way, the prostrate shrinks to allow urine to pass.

It seems to me that this a complex system. So complex, in fact, I question whether a single celled amoeba can accidently develop that process regardless of how many billion years of trial and error and survivial of the fitest occurs. In fact, the whole reproduction process cries out against an accidential development. At what point did the single cell stop reproducing itself and require a partner. When did the amoeba decide that a male and a female were required for the reproduction process to happen?

Add the reproduction process to the system of nerves that control the functions of the body, the complex procedure required before light is translated into vision, or the body knows how much insulin to product, or, well I hope you get the picture. For there to be a human body as we know it today, that single celled amoeba had to have accidentially grown and developed hundreds of complex sysytems at the same time.

Frankly, I question whether it could have been done regardless of the number of years involved, without some sort of initiating intelligence. I chose to call that intelligence, God. And I believe God brought it all into being.

Did it happen in 6 days of 24 hours as the Bible says? Well let's talk about that next week.

That's my View From the Fall.